Kelly Osbourne left her house today, looking like she pissed off a pitbull.
DailyMail has the alleged scoop:
Kelly had a low-key bank holiday weekend at home after suffering from a tummy bug.
Her illness was made even worse when she reached to get a glass from a cupboard in her kitchen and the whole piece of furniture fell off the wall on top of her, cutting her temple and hitting her in the left eye.
Her spokesman Gary Farrow said: 'She was suffering from a stomach upset all weekend, which meant she couldn't go out anywhere, and then this happened.
'She is fine now, though.'
Yeah, she looks real fine. Any chance this "cupboard" had legs, two fists, and a dangling penis between its shelves? It's a common story for an abused girl except usually it's at least somewhat believable. For example, she could've been trying to find her career when she fell down the basement steps. Or maybe she was trying to eject a VHS and stood too close.
My ex-girlfriend had plenty of excuses, just ask her. I'm kidding. Seriously. Please don't ask her. RELATED STORIES
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DeAnna Pappas recently showed off her bikini body with her fiance, Jesse Csincsak. In case you don't know who these people are and are too lazy to Google it, she was The Bachelorette on season 4, and the shot of jizz with her was the unlucky winner.
It's a little surprising that this is the best she could come up with from all the contestants. It looks like Patrick Dempsy turned retarded and mated with Screech...and this guy is what fell out. Oh well, maybe he's nice and has soft hands.
*Douchebag of the Century RELATED STORIES
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They don't hate each other, but it would be more exciting if they did. In reality, they simply ended their engagement,
People learned:
"Nicollette Sheridan and Michael Bolton have amicably ended their engagement," said Nicole Perna. "They appreciate your respect for their privacy in this matter."
The couple's relationship originally started in 1992, and lasted for five years.
This is actually really upsetting to me. Just kidding, it's not at all. The hair Michael Bolton had for years should automatically render him unmarryable anyway. I could possibly see him with a 17th century pirate or a mop. But Nicollette Sheridan? Nah.
Considering they started dating in 1992 and, 16 years later, couldn't tie the knot, it's time to move on. They both have a lot to offer. Nicollette is a somewhat beautiful woman, and Michael probably doesn't shit the bed. RELATED STORIES
Gisele Bundchen has it made being the girlfriend of Tom Brady who is not only attractive, but ridiculously rich. Of course that describes Gisele, too, so whatever.
TMZ states:
Sources close to the supermodel and her "Errand Boy" tell us Tom just closed a deal to buy a plot of dirt in Brentwood -- on Arnold Schwarzenegger's street -- for more than $11 million.
TMZ is in possession of documents which show that Tom took out a mortgage of $8.225 mil that he will pay back in 5 years. The property -- approximately 3 acres -- was purchased under the name TGBE.
Life is good when you can throw a football and/or are sexy enough for magazines to care. It's also good when you have cheap sex with a hooker and somehow don't get AIDS. Such a relief...
I can't really decide who is luckier, Tom or Gisele. She made somewhere around $30m last year, and he surely made many millions. They're both ridiculously attractive. Ah, they both win. But we all lose, so look at these pictures of Gisele and the craziest little dog ever. RELATED STORIES
According to a
source on Kay McConaughey's new book, I Amaze Myself!, Matthew's dad died while having sex with his mom.
“On Monday mornings, he and I often said goodbye by making love,” Kay says exclusively in the latest issue of Us Weekly. “But one day, all of a sudden, it just happened.
"I knew that something was wrong, because I didn’t hear anything from him. Just nothing," she says. "But it was just the best way to go!”
And when her man couldn’t be revived, she made sure he was taken from the house in the buff.
“I was just so proud to show off my big old Jim McConaughey — and his gift,” she says.
Wow, I wish I was Kay's husband. First, she kills him with her vagina, and then she shows his penis to paramedics. Yeah, that's how I wanna go too.
She also goes on to say that Matthew was an accident that happened while she was debating whether to "have an affair? Or go back to school?" Considering all of this, it's hard to believe Matt's only issue is not wearing deoderant, which is probably a real concern for anyone within 300 feet of the image above. RELATED STORIES
OK! Magazine is reporting that there will be a wedding next season on The Girls Next Door:
According to Hef's second girlfriend Bridget Marquart, 34, next season of The Girls Next Door features a "huge wedding." So of course we have to ask, could Hugh Hefner, 82, finally be tying the knot with main girlfriend Holly Madison, 28?
Bridget was reportedly overheard dishing about the show, hinting that she and fellow girlfriend Kendra Wilkinson, 23, will be moving out of the Playboy Mansion once season five wraps.
"She said they will be moving on since Holly is Hef's main girlfriend," a source tells OK!. Holly is also getting more involved with the magazine. "Holly is taking a bigger role in the company, directing pictorials," the source added.
Hugh Hefner reminds me of myself, only he's 82 and has abundant sex with any girl he wants.
If this rumor is true, I do feel bad for Hef's 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and so on girlfriends. It's a tough transition from Playboy Mansion to Sizzler. Although an unwrinkled penis might be a welcomed change. We'll see. RELATED STORIES
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